« Previous Entry | MAIN | Next Entry »
March 17, 2004
Dear listers,
Sorry for the No LBC content. This is sort of old but I know there are lots of engineers out there on the list and others who think like engineers. It made me chuckle so I pass it on.
Cheers,
Bob in San Diego
Subject: UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS
1. Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I
was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman
rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her
clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded
approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
==========================================================
2. To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is
half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
===========================================================
3. A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these
guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in,
"I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey,
here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."
"Hi, George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather
slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of
blind firefighters who lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire
last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I
think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good
idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's
anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
===========================================================
4. What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build targets.
===========================================================
5. Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer.
Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer.
The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last
said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste
pipeline through a recreational area?"
==========================================================
6. "Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet!"
===========================================================
7. An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it
was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said
he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an
enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress,
because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like
both." "Both?" they asked. Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress,
they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you
can go to the lab and get some work done."
===========================================================
8. An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over,
picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again
and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I
will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his
pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out,
"If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do
ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put
it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter?
I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a weekend,
do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look
I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
============================================================
9. Three men were to be executed by guillotine, a doctor, a lawyer, and
an engineer.
The doctor was led to the block, his head fixed in place, and the release
cord was pulled. The blade failed to drop. It was taken as an act of God, and
the doctor was pardoned on the spot.
The lawyer was led to the block, his head fixed in place, and the release
cord was pulled. The blade failed to drop. It was taken as an act of God,
and as with the doctor, the lawyer was pardoned on the spot.
As the executioner led the engineer to the block the engineer looked up,
pointed at part of the release mechanism, and said "Hey, there's the problem!"
"Robert D. Gardner" < rdgard@... > 30843
Posted on March 17, 2004 11:18 AM
Posted to category(s) Body | Cylinder Head | Electrical System | Engine (external) | Exterior | Miscellaneous | Wheels
